God’s plan for your marriage

Wedding sermon for Brandon Eschbach & Abigail Zarling

Jeremiah 29:11 ^11 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Ephesians 4:32-5:2 ³² Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. ¹ Follow God’s example, therefore, as dearly loved children ² and walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Matthew 28:20 ²⁰ “And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Abigail, do you remember driving together a few months ago and you asked me for my thoughts about you and Brandon becoming more serious? Do you remember what I said to you? I told you, “Abi, after God, I’m the most important man in your life.” You said, “Daddy, I know.” But then I added, “When you get married, then he becomes the most important man in your life.”

That big seismic shift in our family relationship happens today. (Pretty much right after this sermon … so it might take me a while to finish.)

That change in relationship from parent/child to husband/wife is exactly what the Holy Spirit explains when at the first marriage in the Garden of Eden. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).

God had a plan to bring you together before His altar on this day. That plan included friends and cousins and conversations. It included electrical work, roofing houses, and cleaning classrooms. It did not include a lot of home cooked meals, but rather lots of going out to eat … but remembering not to drink the pink lemonade.

Today it is also God’s plan to change you from son to husband and daughter to wife.

St. Paul discusses the role of the wife: “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” (Ephesians 5:22).

I understand that in our politically correct society, no one really likes the word “submit” any more. At the reception of a recent wedding, the mother of the bride said to me, “That was a very good service, Pastor. Although, I could have done without that whole ‘submitting’ thing.”

But “submit” is a great biblical image. It doesn’t mean that one of you is inferior to the other. You just have different roles. For example, if you are re-roofing a house, which is more vital – the tearing off of the shingles or the nailing of new the shingles? Brandon can’t nail the shingles down unless Abi has first torn them off. And tearing off the shingles doesn’t do any good if the shingles are not being put on right away. Both roles are different. But, both roles are vital. Neither is more important than the other.

“Submit” means to put your trust wholly in the other person. Abi, that means you trust Brandon to make the right decisions for your household. He is the God-appointed leader for your home. St. Paul explains it this way: “For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything” (Ephesians 5:23-24).

Abi, your role in your marriage is to trust Brandon’s leadership, the same way that you trust Christ’s leadership. God has made you Brandon’s “helper.”

After making Adam, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18). Again, many today consider the “helper” role to be inferior. Except, almost every time the Bible uses the word “helper” it is referring to God being our helper. “So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid” (Hebrews 13:6).

So, Abi, your role as “helper” is to be like God the Father in your new relationship. You are to build up your husband. You are working with him on his second or third jobs. You learn to cook lots of chicken. You keep him calm when he’s frustrated. You buy him a doughnut when he’s grumpy. (Just make sure you get me one, too.)

Brandon, your role is to be the Christ figure in your marriage. St. Paul explains: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her …” (Ephesians 5:25). You are to put Abi first in your life. You are to put her up on a pedestal. Everything you do is to first serve Christ and then serve her and your future family.

You sacrifice for her. That means that you probably have to learn how to cook … and clean. It means knowing how to calm her down when she becomes an emotional wreck. It might mean setting aside some other jobs so that you can spend more time at home.

St. Paul introduces this whole section on the roles of husbands and wives by saying: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Ephesians 5:21). He wants you to remember that everything you do because you are married to each other, you are doing, first, because you are married to Christ.

The Holy Spirit is instructing you to be the helper and leader in your marriage. You are to submit to each other. You are to give glory to God in your marriage. But, I’m telling you as both your pastor and your father, you are going to fail. You are going to argue. You are going to demand instead of give. You won’t be kind or compassionate or forgiving. You are going to hold a grudge. You are going to go to bed mad. You are going to wake up angry. Like so many other married couples, you can become trapped in cycles of bitterness and resentment.

You need to remember these words from your Epistle lesson: “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you” (Ephesians 4:32).

This is exactly why Christ came to invade our time and space. He took upon Himself the weight of our every sin, our every failure, our every wrong. He accepted the scourge. He welcomed the crown of thorns. He bore the cross. He paid for your sins as a little girl, as a teenage boy, and as a married couple.

Because of everything Jesus Christ did – from the manger to the cross to the open tomb – now God the Father has forgiven you. It’s a forgiveness that’s complete. It’s a forgiveness that’s free. Because it is a forgiveness that is in Christ.

It is a forgiveness that God first gave you, Abi, when I baptized you in the baptismal font in Radcliff, KY. It is a forgiveness that God gave you, Brandon, when you knelt at this communion rail at your confirmation. It is a forgiveness that God gives you as you remember your baptism, as you receive the Lord’s Supper, as you hear the words of absolution in worship.

It is also a forgiveness that God allows you to uniquely apply to each other in marriage. You get to forgive each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. You can release grudges. You can dismiss grievances. Instead of being passive aggressive, you are able to be aggressively passionate.

God had plans for your hope and future. He always planned to bring the two of you together. Did you notice, that when you became engaged, various people had different reactions to the two of you being together? Social media blew up when you posted your pictures on Facebook of your engagement. Abi, when you came home to tell Mom and the girls that Brandon had proposed, your sisters had different reactions. Belle and Miriam were happy for you. But, they expected it. Lydia was ecstatic. As soon as you told her that you were engaged, she said, “Now I get my own room.”

Mom had an emotional reaction to your upcoming marriage. You remember that when she started praying for you at your bridal shower, she started crying. You are our firstborn. Your mom teaching you to say, “Daddy” first so that you woke me up in the middle of the night instead of her. You, in your stroller, roaring at the lion at the Cincinnati Zoo … and him roaring back. You, as a 5-year-old, running away from the soccer ball, instead of running towards it. You chasing your grandmother, who is deathly afraid of rodents, around our kitchen in Kentucky with your hamster in your hands. You doing cheerleading, and running cross country, and playing soccer in high school. You going to college, working, and dating.

Your mom feels like she is losing a daughter.

I, on the other hand, don’t feel like I’m losing a daughter, at all. No. I’m gaining an electrician.

What is important is what you are each gaining. Abi, you are gaining a husband who will be faithful to you, cherish you, support you, and love you until God parts you through death. Brandon will not be a spiritual wimp, like so many men today. He will be a strong Christian leader in your home, at church, and with your family.

Brandon, you are gaining a wife who will be faithful to you, cherish you, support you, and love you until God parts you through death. Abi already trusts your godly leadership and counsel. She will be a devoted wife who will bring Christ into every aspect of your home and family life.

You now have each other. But most importantly, by God’s grace, you have always had Christ. Jesus has promised, “I am will you always” (Matthew 28:20). Christ was there when He brought you into His holy family at the baptismal font. Christ was there when you confirmed your faith at the Lord’s altar. Christ was there when you met with Pastor Rockhoff in his office or sat in your dad’s confirmation classes. Christ was there keeping you safe on roofs or with electrical wires or when you’ve traveled up high mountains – and you were scared of heights.

Christ was there when you started talking to each other, when you first met, when you started dating, and He is with you today. The Lord Jesus Christ came as an invited guest to the wedding at Cana. Make Him more than a guest who appears occasionally in your home. Make Jesus a regular family member, a constant companion. He is with you at home, providing food, love, and forgiveness. He is with you at church, providing you with grace, mercy, and Himself in His Holy Sacrament. He is with you now in time and will be with you as you are seated at His eternal wedding feast in heaven.

For God not only had plans to bring you together on this day. He has plans to bring you together to be with Him after the end of days. Amen.