Marriages belong to God

Mark 10:2-16 Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?" ³ "What did Moses command you?" he replied. ⁴ They said, "Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away." ⁵ "It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law," Jesus replied. ⁶ "But at the beginning of creation God 'made them male and female.' ⁷ 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, ⁸ and the two will become one flesh.' So they are no longer two, but one. ⁹ Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate." ¹⁰ When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. ¹¹ He answered, "Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. ¹² And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery." ¹³ People were bringing little children to Jesus to have him touch them, but the disciples rebuked them. ¹⁴ When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ¹⁵ I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it." ¹⁶ And he took the children in his arms, put his hands on them and blessed them.

There is nothing particularly sacred or holy about business contracts. When they are no longer benefiting you, you can terminate them as you please. Don’t like that lease? Don’t renew it. Don’t like the contract? Renegotiate it. Don’t like the working conditions? Go on strike.

Sadly, we have made a mess of marriage in our world because instead of seeing marriage as a wonderful gift of God – for the mutual benefit of husband and wife – we see marriage as a kind of business transaction. Not happy in your marriage. Get out of it and get a new one. Like a car, a house, a pair of shoes – when you get tired of it – when you fall out of “love” with it – you get rid of it. You get out of it. Even by mutual consent.

Divorce is a plague on American families – even within our Christian community. Today’s sermon is a difficult message for many to hear – either because you are divorced or you are the children or parents of a divorced family. Though you may not want to hear the Lord say, “I hate divorce!” (Malachi 2:16) or Jesus teach, “What God has joined together, let man not separate” … as uncomfortable as Jesus’ words may be, He never shies away from telling you what you need to hear. So, whether you have been blessed with over 50 years of marriage, you are divorced or somewhere in between, listen open ears and open hearts to what God’s Word has to say about how marriages belong to God.

Some Pharisees came to trap Jesus by asking Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” Like today, there were social liberals and conservatives. The Pharisees knew the debate. Jesus could lose half His followers if He sided with the conservative rabbi, Shammai, who said divorce was only legal in the case of adultery. Or He could lose the other half of His followers by siding with the liberal rabbi, Hillel who said divorce was legal even if she just burned the roast.

The Pharisees go to Moses for justification for divorce: “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.” (Although, Moses was regulating divorce and remarriage, not permitting it.) But Jesus goes to the beginning: “But at the beginning of creation God made them male and female.” Jesus trumps Moses with Moses. Deuteronomy with Genesis. The accommodating loophole with the gift. “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.” That’s what Moses said about husbands and wives in the beginning. Before there was sin. Before the Fall. Before Adam and Eve became self-absorbed, self-satisfying, self-justifying rebels. Before they became like us. Before the notion of divorce even existed.

The assault of divorce on our families have been devastating. Our world is filled with broken and hurting people, and broken and hurting families. Single parent households are becoming more and more the norm. And even if you as a single Mom or Dad are making it work, you know that it is not the ideal situation. Holidays, instead of being times of togetherness and love, have devolved into tugs-of-war between families, extended families and step families.

How far we have fallen from Adam’s wonderful “Aha!” when God first presented his bride, Eve, to him. It’s a wonderful picture we heard in Genesis. Adam goes through all the creation of God, but is disappointed that there is no one for him … until God forms for him a special mate, specially made. Men are not “from Mars” and women are not “from Venus,” though at times it may seem that way. He is from the mud and she is from his side. So that when Adam wakes from his sleep, he sees a reflection of himself in her, “She is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh” (Genesis 2:23). He cries out in complete joy, “Ah! At last!” Someone for him. It is the same joy we see from newlyweds on their wedding day. And we see a glimpse of the gift of God that marriage was intended to be.

So what happened? Sin happened. It doesn’t take Adam and Eve long to have their first fight, Adam blaming Eve and Eve deflecting blame onto the serpent. And we can be sure that wasn’t the only fight they had in 900 years of marriage! By the time of Moses, God had permitted (not desired) divorce, because the hearts of His people had become so hard and calloused. And today, for many, marriage has become a “take it or leave it” thing. Just another option in life, like whether or not you will get the DVD player in your new car. Yes, we’ve made a mess of marriage.

These words of Jesus should make us think very hard before divorcing our God-given spouse. There is no mincing of words when the Lord says clearly, “I hate divorce!” The Holy Spirit uses the double-edge scalpel of the Law and Gospel to cut away at your sin and heal with Christ’s forgiveness when there is trouble in your marriage. Divorce, though, is radical surgery with a ball-peen hammer. It’s never pretty, never clean. It always leaves open wounds and scars. Ignore those triumphal stories that divorced people tend to tell about how their lives are so much better after they got divorced. They’re not telling you the whole story. Divorce is painful. It’s second only to death in terms of grief and loss. Divorce is death. It is the ripping apart of the one flesh union between the husband and wife – also tearing apart the children as innocent victims. The death of something that God created to be good. Some of you know the pain first-hand.

When I do pre-marriage or marriage counseling, I always counsel the couple to never let the “D” word ever into your marriage. Once you even allow the “D” word of “divorce” to enter the conversation, then the door is cracked open for one or both of you to leave what God has joined together.

Husbands and wives, let the other “D” word dominate. Until death do you part. Death, not divorce, is what ends the one flesh of husband and wife. “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”

So what can we do to stem the tide of divorce within our Christian community? What can we do if we have already felt the pain of divorce? All that we can do is what a little child does when he breaks his mother’s Precious Moments’ figurine or his dad’s signed Vince Lombardi picture. There’s no use hiding it or making excuses or blaming someone else. The little child picks up the broken pieces and with runny nose and tears streaming down his cheeks, he sets the broken pieces at the feet of his mommy or daddy and says, “I broke it and I’m sorry.”

If you life has been broken from a divorce or even the discussion of divorce, then bring your brokenness, your sin and all your heartache to Jesus. Don’t argue with God. Don’t look for loopholes in Jesus’ words. Don’t seek justification for your actions. Don’t point fingers at the offending partner. Gather up the broken pieces of your marriage and set them at the feet of your heavenly Father and humbly say, “I’m sorry. I broke it.” Confess it before God and His Church. Bury it in the death of Jesus. Drown it in your Baptismal waters. Be fed and forgiven with Christ’s body and blood in His Holy Supper. Receive Christ’s forgiveness in the absolution at the beginning of worship. Receive the Triune God’s blessing at the end of worship. God is gracious to His children. He rests His hand on your head and says, “I forgive you for my Son’s sake.”

Jesus gave His life for us all – the married, the single, the divorced, the little children. He reached out in mercy to a Samaritan woman at Jacob’s well, five times married and living with number six. He defended a woman caught in adultery from her stone-throwing accusers. He absolved her, but He also told her, “Go and leave your life of sin” (John 8:11). Jesus’ body was broken and bleeding from the broken mess we make of our marriages. He was divorced from His heavenly Father for our divorces. He became the adulterer in our place so that we might become His righteousness.

If you are married, let Jesus be in the middle of your marriage. He is the third cord that binds you and your spouse together so that “a cord of three strands is not easily broken” (Ecclesiastes 4:12). He is the Source of forgiveness between husband and wife. He must get between husband and wife to soften your hearts, to sweep away your sins and to bind you together as one flesh. As sinners, when we deal with each other, we will always deal harshly and with bitterness and anger. Jesus must mediate, get between us. Just as Jesus mediates between God and us, so He must mediate between husband and wife, working reconciliation and peace. Only through Jesus can we forgive each other. Only through Jesus can we hope to stand one another. Only through Jesus can our marriage survive until death parts us.

Marriage cannot save us. Marriage is not a Means of Grace. In fact, marriage is in dire need of grace. And marriage is not eternal. In the resurrection, we neither marry nor are we given in marriage. But there is a marriage that does save. There is a one flesh union that cannot be destroyed. That marriage is between Christ, the perfect Bridegroom and you, His imperfect Bride. You share in this communion with Christ when you share in His Body and Blood. Not one body with Him sexually, as in your marriages. But one Body with Him and your fellow believers sacramentally, in the one marriage that will last for eternity.

Death will part you as husband and wife. But death will never part you from your Bridegroom, Jesus Christ. As ugly, cheating and bitter spouses we may be to Christ, still He gave Himself up for you, making you holy, cleansing you by the washing with water through the word, to present you to Himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless (Ephesians 5:25-27).

When your marriage is broken, when you’re hurting, when you don’t think you can stand him or her for one more day, you don’t need someone to come along and tell you what to do. You need rescue! You need a Spouse to love you when you are unlovable (which is always). And to forgive you when you don’t deserve to be forgiven (which is also always).

When you and I were the most lost, the most steeped in sin and the most unlovable, our Savior came into this world to sweep us off of our feet. In His incarnation, He became one flesh with us, so that through His death and resurrection, He might make us one flesh with Him. On the cross He spoke His marriage vow to us, His sacred, “I will” as He laid down His life for His bride. And just as a lovely tree broke the first marriage in Paradise, so a bloody tree on Calvary has restored marriage – our relationship with God.

Our Savior did not make this vow just once. He renews that vow every time you come before Him – washing you with His baptismal waters at the font, feeding you with His Body and Blood at the communion rail, strengthening and comforting you with His Word in your Bibles and in your pulpit, taking you in His arms in the Absolution. Here delighting in us, as He makes us His own. Never tiring of receiving us. Never tiring of forgiving us.

Please understand that every divorce is a failure, a failure of the heart, a failure of faith, a failure of love. We know that divorce is not right, even when it is permitted. So, as Christians, we should not try to justify our past, whether we are the guilty party or the innocent party. Rather than seeing our marriage as a business contract that we can change or get out of, let us listen to the Inventor of marriage and the only One who can hold our marriages together, “What God has joined together, let man not separate.” Our marriages are something beautiful and valuable. Though our marriages may be to our spouse, they do not belong to us. Our marriages belong to God. Amen.